What are breakdowns good for?

photo by WHL photos, Flikr

Howdy! I just realized I haven’t written a post for a whole month. Well, honestly, I wasn’t really inspired to write. And I made my own rules which is actually only one – THE RULE: “Do just what you are inspired about.” Not to look good, not to prove something, just to feel good. I have to FEEL GOOD. This is the only rule.

At the end of January I had a MASSIVE breakdown with my mother, which lead to that I was completly down, with no energy, with no lust to do anything. Only thing I was aware of, when I was crawling back to my usual energy level was, that the breakdown is good for something – you know, it always is. So in short – my mother is still telling me how to live (I guess all mothers want the best for their children) and she is doing that because she thinks that somewhere in the past she did something wrong when raising me up – so I turned out like this (real spiritual weirdo 😉 ). I am not married, I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t have children, every few weeks I travel in London or somewhere else, I am telling her about the Law of Attraction and my self development findings ….so not really somebody who my mother expected me to be when I’ll grow up. And therefore she was pressing and pressing until I broke down…..

Oh yes, still I was blaming her, until I just remembered that people around us, our reallity is just MIRRORING back to us, what is going inside. We are 100% responsible for what we create! Oh boy – I was still beating myself up because I didn’t turned up as I supposed to ( you know that voice in your head – which doesn’t disapear – although you travel faaaaaaaaar away from home?). Ok. So – what to do?

First I saw that I have to create a boundary – that I have to love myself enough to not let ANYBODY – even my mother to cross that boundary. I was angry and sad because of our quarrels already before, but never really serious about saying NO. I was telling my self: “This is my mother after all….”  But if this would be my friend, you know s(he) wouldn’t be my friend any longer. So I said: “It doesn’t matter, my mother or not, I will not allow that anymore.” My decision was really serious, I was prepared to stop talking with her and completely stop visiting her. And when you are serious, other people simply just feel that (oh yes, they do). At some point during this breakdown I remembered an analogy with what is happening to me – for at least 10 years I was like woman who is living in abusive relationships and doesn’t have a power to end it and leave it.

This was – oh boy – didn’t feel good – to say NO to my mother – but it was essential for what happened later. We feel so much guilt and obligation towards our parents although I don’t know the real foundations for that. This is  what our society is telling us, this is expected! Yes they gave me my life and I am grateful for that. But we weren’t born to this world to live by the expectation of our parents, neither to take care for them or feeling guilty for what is happening to them.

Soooooooo, after two weeks of really no or some hostile communication with my mom, I left for London on the 11th of February. I said: “Ok, after all – my plane might fall down – so let’s tell mom that I am going, so she will not be surprised.” 😀 I told myself: ” I accept myself exactly as I am and as I am not and I accept my mother exactly as she is and she is not.” I threw away all expectations what this call might be like and I called her from let’s say – NOTHING, from ZERO point, from where ANYTHING is possible. ANYTHING means also something EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD.

After getting myself in such state of mind – I was blown away about how EXCEPTIONALLY AUTHENTIC this call was. How this call was upleveled from anything I knew before. My mother had a breakthrough and I had a breakthrough – she was telling me how she feels, I was telling her what I am feeling, where I am going, why I am going in London, that I am devoted to self-development and this is something what I am looking forward to make living from in the future. When we finished the call, she called me back and said: ” What I forgot to tell you is, that I really LOVE you.” I was moved, touched and inspired (you have to know that this isn’t something what my mother would say regularly, in fact I heard this in my adult years maybe twice, last one included). Although you know somewhere deep inside, that she loves you, it is so good to HEAR it. Ah, how good can things possibly become from now on?

Still I am determined, that I will not let anybody cross the boundaries I set anymore, even not my mother. I am my biggest fan, my biggest protector and my biggest lover – who else will be if not me? And you know – like attracts like 😉

I had fabulous time in London, met some new exciting people from Slovenia and tommorow we are meeting for dinner (now we are all back at home of course). And inspiration came back!

The intention of this post was to tell you that every breaktrough has its opposite side, which usually causes the breakthrough. It is called breakdown. So – whenever you have a breakdown, be suspicios, because there is something to learn from it.

CheerS! XO

Barbara

Change your story, change your life

During the time we create many stories about different areas of our lives: relationships, money, our own abilities, our own worth, body, talents, life in general, other people etc. We’ve been and are influented by our parents, colleagues, media and society as such.

Let me list some stories I’ve heard lately from my friends, relatives, colleagues:

I am nobody. Those women are always picking up on me and they have something against me. My life has no meaning. Life is sad. I am afraid that…. I am concerned that…. They don’t appreciate me. They don’t see the real value of me. Who would ever pay for my services? I’m so bored. I am alone. I’m too old. The times will be even worse. Add your story: _______________________________________

 

There is plenty of similar stories going on in our heads. Maybe we are not even aware of them. Now look around. How do our lives look like? Not surprisingly, exactly in alignment with above stories, right? Universe is really kind and gives us everything that matches each and every our thought.

Do you ever ask yourself, what will you get in the future? According to The Law of Attraction – if we stick to old stories, more of the same. But we are so powerful, we are co – creators of life and all that is. Let take a stand and 100% responsibility for creation of our life. Let’s start changing our story!

What if above stories would sound like:

I am so unique and with my special set of skills I am as valuable as everybody else. I provide value just with that that I am. I create harmonius and peaceful relationship with myself and anybody I meet in my life. I know that my life is meaningful. Life is exciting and beautiful. I know this will work out good for everybody involved. I appreciate myself and others are mirroring the same appreciation back to me. I value myself and others value me just as I am. There are plenty people out there who need and are prepared to pay for my products and services. I’m really excited about developing existing projects and starting new ones. I am profoundly connected with everybody and everything in my life. At each age in my lifetime I am old just enough to get new experiences, to learn new things, to meet new people, to create whatever I want. At each point in time and in every moment I have a power to create my life and I accept full responsibility for what I create.

How do new stories feel compared to old ones? Great? Empowering? Create NEW, positive and better feeling stories for areas of your life where you feel the change would be welcomed. It is important, that you repeat new stories every day, as often as possible – only with the repetition the new thought will sit in and start changing your soroundings and life to better.

Now imagine that it is the year 2012 and you are telling how great the year 2011 was to your friend. Let your imagination fly and don’t stop yourself in any sense. What you really want in 2011? Write your story NOW!

To your success and to hearing about yours magical and miraculous year 2011!

 

Love , hughs and sparkles!

 

Barbara

 

 

 

Living intentionally

Are you living your life on an auto-pilot with thinking, that things are happening to you? You might think that this is your reality. The truth is, that you are creating your reality with your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attitudes – from inside out. Your life is created THROUGH you. It really helps if we are 100% aware of this.

If we are, we start to observe our thoughts, beliefs, attitudes towards people and things, our expectations (yes, that #&%# thing happened again, I told you it will be so!!).

Lately I became aware how unintentionally I live. So I started this week with setting the intentions in the morning, each day, when I wake up: “This will be a perfect day!” I say and expect this with a real confidence and belief.

When I sit in the car I sit in with the intention: “This  will be a perfect ride and I will come from Kamnik to Ljubljana quickly as usually.” I’m cathing the green wave of traffic lights, traffic is running without any roadblocks or congestions. Of course I was expecting that, when setting the intention.

I am setting the intentions to get the parking space on the parking lots full of cars in the evenings and I go even that far that I point out in which parking lot I want to park. And oh yes, the parking spaces are always waiting for me, exactly where I want. I became very good at this. And this was my first exercise to prove myself how we can envision everything we want, get everything we can think of – with the power of our minds, with a positive expectations and belief, that we’ll get that. I found this exercise in Brian Tracy’s book Thinking Big: The Keys to Personal Power and Maximum Performance.

This is how I created two job offers at the same time in two different companies for exactly the same monthly payment. Both were really cool at that time so I had difficulties to decide which one to take.  😉

And my days are perfect! Broken relationships started to build back, existing relationships are becoming better and better….

You can use setting the intention for everything! Before important meeting – set the intention what you would like the meeting to be (productive, peaceful, friendly, etc.), maybe you are anxious when getting on the party  – just set the intention that it will be FUN (or whatever you want).

Yes, I remember those times going to the party with the prevailing thought (this was actually the intention): “And nobody will want to dance with me…” Guess what… I ended attending those parties, because really nobody asked me to dance. Oh my… I didn’t know that, what I know today. Hehe, my parties are full of all night dancing now!! Love that!

Try with little things to convince yourself in the magic of intentions setting and deliberate creation. Don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t succeed at first. You will build that muscle with the practice.

I commit myself to live more intentionally. Right now I am creating the intention to calling in the One. 😛 Will keep you posted.

XOXO